My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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