my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
