sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
