K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
