yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
