Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
