Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just threw up on my dentist
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
