Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
