I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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