What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
