She is in my trunk
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize