Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
