I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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