..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
