It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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