I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
