Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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