Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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