I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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