we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
