What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
