piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
