i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
