worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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