1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
