Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Are my feet made of real feet?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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