Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
