omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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