No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
