I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
