Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
MIDGETS
????
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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