I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
