You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
