I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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