I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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