he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
