matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
