hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
