Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
