If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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