Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
