ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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