I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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