if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
