Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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