I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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