He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
