So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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