Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
