I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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