And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
