I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize