they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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