I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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