my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
