You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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