So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
