theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
