i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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