If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
