She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
