I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
