I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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