wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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