I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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