i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
