haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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