you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
