how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she looked like the before picture.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
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