Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
