My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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