I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
