Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize