Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
