P.S. I can't hear my feet
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
