just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
