so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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