Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
