we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
