So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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