Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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