i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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