Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
