Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize