Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
