Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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