Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
