I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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