I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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