Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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