I don't usually arrange sex via text message
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
