Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
