I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
