In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
