How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize