You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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