I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
