So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize