Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My ass is underappreciated
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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