you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
