I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
