I think my vagina is haunted
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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