Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
